Parenting is one of the most important yet challenging roles in life. As Christian parents, we want to raise our children in the ways of the Lord and set them on a godly path. However, when tensions arise and conflict brews, we may be tempted to make rash decisions like kicking a disobedient child out of the home. But what does the Bible say about this? Should we resort to such extreme measures? Let’s explore some key Biblical principles on parenting and discipline to find out.
Key Takeaways:
- Children are a heritage from the Lord and should be treated as gifts, not burdens.
- While discipline is necessary, it should be done in love and with the goal of restoration. Harsh punishment often backfires.
- Expelling a child from the home should be an absolute last resort after much prayer and counsel.
- God’s heart is reconciliation and redemption. He never disowns His children even when they break fellowship.
- Parents are called to reflect God’s unconditional love. His discipline stems from His affection, not rejection.
- The Lord leaves the door open for the lost and wayward to return home. We must do the same.
- Prodigal children often come to their senses when shown undeserved grace as the father did for his son.
Children Are a Gift from God
The Bible upholds children as a blessing from God, not a nuisance. King David declares, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” (Psalm 127:3-5). Parenting is a stewardship responsibility that God entrusts to mothers and fathers. He knit each child together in the womb (Psalm 139:13) and they bear His image. Even when they stray off course, children remain God’s treasured possessions.
As Christians, we must view parenting as a sacred privilege rather than a drudgery. While undoubtedly challenging, raising children allows us to glimpses God’s creativity and participate in His multiplying efforts. God has intricately woven every child with diverse strengths, abilities, and purpose. We do well to approach parenting with grace, wisdom and faith rather than exasperation.
Discipline Must Be Administered in Love
The book of Proverbs frequently encourages parents to discipline children. “Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death” (Proverbs 19:18). “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.” (Proverbs 22:15). However, the motivation behind godly discipline is love rather than anger or aggravation. “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights” (Proverbs 3:11-12).
Discipline works best when rooted in relationship. Children are far more receptive when they feel understood and affirmed. As parents, we must ensure our discipline stems from restorative purposes rather than retribution. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4). Harsh, impatient discipline provokes resentment rather than repentance. God-honoring discipline requires much wisdom, consistency, empathy and self-control. We must seek God’s help to not exasperate or discourage our children (Colossians 3:21).
Expelling Children from Home – An Absolute Last Resort
Serious and repeated disobedience may tempt Christian parents to take drastic measures like kicking a wayward teenager out of the house. However, we must prayerfully consider if this aligns with Biblical principles.
Banning children from their home can deeply scar them emotionally and relationally. It may also trigger other destructive behavior as they navigate life without parental covering and care. “A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain” (Proverbs 19:13). Often, rebellious children deeply regret their actions once they experience the cold harshness of the outside world.
Therefore, Christian parents must not rush into expelling disobedient children from their home. This decision has far-reaching implications for the entire family. It must be an absolute last resort after much counsel, corporate prayer, and soul-searching. Alternate disciplinary measures under the guidance of God and spiritual mentors must take priority.
God’s Heart is Redemption, Not Rejection
Most importantly, we must reflect God’s heart as loving parents. Our Heavenly Father never disowns or casts off His children when they break fellowship with Him. When the prodigal son squandered his inheritance on wild living, the father did not cut him off. Instead, “while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20). God patiently waits for wayward children to come back home. He leaves open the possibility of repentance and redemption.
When the people of Israel plunged into idolatrous practices, God disciplined them. Yet, He assured through the prophet Jeremiah, “Return, O faithless children… I will not remain angry forever. Only acknowledge your guilt — you have rebelled against the Lord your God” (Jeremiah 3:12-13). Our Heavenly Father’s anger and discipline arise from His affection, not rejection. He pursues the lost not to punish, but to restore them into the fullness of relationship.
As Christian parents, we too must model God’s tenacious and forgiving love. When children rebel, we must compel them back through unconditional love, not harsh decrees. Even in discipline, we must assure children of our unwavering love. Let us not prematurely cut off children for their immaturity. As Jesus told Peter, we must forgive not just seven times, but seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22).
Responding With Grace and Truth
In moments of conflict, we may self-righteously wash our hands off and claim, “I’ve done my part.” However, God called Israel to leave redemptive channels open for the orphan, widow and immigrant (Zechariah 7:8-10). Jesus told the parable of the lost sheep to highlight God’s heart for the wayward. Christian parents too must tap into divine perseverance and patience when children rebel.
When the younger son set off on his own terms, the father did not stop him despite the heartbreak. When the child came to his senses and returned, the father welcomed him with open arms and lavish grace. Let us reflect this kingdom ethic as parents.
Of course, the older son in the parable resented this extravagant forgiveness. As parents, we must gently help the more compliant child understand that redemptive grace is not cheap sentimentality. It flows from the true cost the Father paid ultimately through Christ (1 Corinthians 7:23). However, showing grace never means endorsing sinful choices. We can differentiate between the person being unconditionally loved yet the behavior being unaffirmed.
When children make damaging decisions, we can communicate, “Your actions break my heart, but you are still mine.” Like the father of the prodigal, we must keep the home fires burning as a sign of hope. The door is never shut. This conveys, “You can always come home.” By God’s wisdom and power, such grace often melts the rebellious heart.
Leaving Redemptive Possibilities Open
The Biblical narrative offers hope for wayward children to find their way back home. The story of the Prodigal Son poignantly captures this truth. However, this redemption was made possible by the father keeping the door ajar. He allowed consequences to awaken his son without permanently shutting him out. The redemptive ending may have been different had the father disowned his son when he defiantly demanded his share of property.
Christian parents today likewise have an opportunity to create redemptive possibilities when children rebel. If we hastily kick them out as punishment, we deny them the chance to come to their senses. By preserving channels for restoration, we reflect the heart of Christ. Of course, appropriate boundaries must be put in place if children remain at home but are not repentant. However, the ejection option must be cautiously considered.
God often uses supernatural grace and unwarranted mercy to draw the rebellious back home. Ezekiel 36:26 promises, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” As Christian parents, we must cling to this hope for radical redemption. God still changes hearts and writes beautiful come-back stories. Let us make room for that possibility even in painful parenting circumstances.
Glimpses of Grace Turn Hearts Around
The story of the Prodigal Son gives us a powerful template for responding to wayward children. The father showed tremendous self-control when insulted and abandoned by the younger son. Rather than reacting in rage, he gave the child space to make his own decisions. At the same time, he kept a lookout for his return. When he saw the son coming home, the father “ran and embraced him and kissed him.” Rather than rejection, he chose radical reconciliation.
Imagine if the father had angrily said, “You made your choice, now live with the consequences!” By instead celebrating the child’s return, the father powerfully socialized grace. The lavish welcome humbled the son to repentance far more than harsh punishment could. The father also gently entreated the older resentful son to “rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and is alive again.” He compelled both sons towards grace and redemption.
This mirrors our Heavenly Father, who rejoices over each sinner who repents (Luke 15:7). As Christian parents, we too must create an atmosphere of grace in the home, especially when relationships fracture. This activates the highest possibilities of redemption and transformation even in difficult children. Let us faithfully steward the responsibility God gave us to represent His unconditional love and raise Kingdom-hearted children.
Key Takeaways:
- Children are a heritage from the Lord and should be treated as gifts, not burdens.
- While discipline is necessary, it should be done in love and with the goal of restoration. Harsh punishment often backfires.
- Expelling a child from the home should be an absolute last resort after much prayer and counsel.
- God’s heart is reconciliation and redemption. He never disowns His children even when they break fellowship.
- Parents are called to reflect God’s unconditional love. His discipline stems from His affection, not rejection.
- The Lord leaves the door open for the lost and wayward to return home. We must do the same.
- Prodigal children often come to their senses when shown undeserved grace as the father did for his son.
