Keeping things to yourself can be a complex issue from a Christian perspective. On one hand, there are times when it’s wise to be discreet and keep matters private. On the other hand, God calls us to live in openness, honesty and vulnerability within Christian community. Balancing these two realities requires wisdom and discernment.
Let’s explore what the Bible teaches about when to speak up or stay silent, handling secrets and private information, being real with others, and living transparently.
Introduction
As Christians, how open should we be with others? Should we freely share everything going on in our lives? Or are there valid reasons to keep some things to ourselves?
The Bible provides guidance on handling sensitive information and being real within Christian fellowship. While silence and secrecy can be used in sinful ways, there are also appropriate times to be discreet. As we strive for greater transparency, we must balance openness with wisdom, considering context and motivations.
Here are some key takeaways:
- God desires honesty, but wisdom is also needed in what we share
- Secrets can damage relationships and hinder prayers
- We must be real with fellow believers and sensitive to what they can handle
- Private matters should stay between those directly involved
- Information told in confidence should be kept confidential
- Transparency brings freedom but oversharing shows lack of self-control
- Discretion shows maturity, protects reputations and avoids gossip
- Judgment and condemnation close off openness between Christians
As we unpack what Scripture teaches, we’ll gain a nuanced perspective on navigating this tension. The goal is living honestly before God and others without compromising privacy or wisdom.
- Introduction
- God Desires Honesty, But Wisdom is Needed in What We Share
- Secrets Can Damage Relationships and Hinder Prayers
- We Must Be Real With Fellow Believers and Sensitive to What They Can Handle
- Private Matters Should Stay Between Those Directly Involved
- Information Told in Confidence Should Be Kept Confidential
- Transparency Brings Freedom But Oversharing Shows Lack of Self-Control
- Discretion Shows Maturity, Protects Reputations and Avoids Gossip
- Judgment and Condemnation Close Off Openness Between Christians
- Conclusion
God Desires Honesty, But Wisdom is Needed in What We Share
As Christians, we want to live authentically and avoid hypocrisy. But the Bible makes it clear there is a place for discretion and privacy along with openness.
Being honest and real with other believers is vital. We read commands like “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another” (Ephesians 4:25). Jesus emphasized being genuine, comparing hypocrites to whitewashed tombs – beautiful outwardly but full of dead men’s bones within (Matthew 23:27).
However, we must balance transparency with wisdom. The book of Proverbs repeatedly advises using discernment in our words. “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3). And Proverbs 10:19 states, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”
Being honest and open does not mean freely voicing every thought or dumping all information on others. We should prayerfully consider the context, timing, motivations and consequences when deciding what to share. “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Proverbs 18:2).
Even perfectly innocent matters may be better kept private or shared selectively based on who is involved. We must use Spirit-led wisdom. “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes” (Proverbs 26:4-5).
In summary, while God desires honesty among believers, we must balance transparency with biblically guided discretion. Indiscriminate oversharing is not spiritual maturity. As Jesus said, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil” (Matthew 5:37).
Secrets Can Damage Relationships and Hinder Prayers
The Bible strongly warns against keeping hidden sins secret due to shame or fear of consequences. This damages relationships with God and others.
Harboring secret sins like sexual immorality, theft, lying, greed, bitterness or occult involvement gives the enemy a foothold in our lives. Satan wants us isolated and trapped in darkness. Ephesians 4:27 warns, “Give no opportunity to the devil.”
Secret sins that remain hidden and unconfessed prevent our prayers from being heard. “If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened” (Psalm 66:18). Continuing in sin hardens our hearts. “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13).
In contrast, confessing struggles openly to God and other believers brings freedom. “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16). “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Keeping hidden sins or toxic thought patterns is dangerous and prevents true intimacy in relationships. “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13). We must bring secret struggles into the light through confession, counsel and prayer.
We Must Be Real With Fellow Believers and Sensitive to What They Can Handle
Within Christian community, we are called to authenticity, not superficial spirituality. Real growth happens through honest sharing, modeling Jesus’ relational intimacy with His disciples. As 1 Thessalonians 2:8 says, “Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.”
However, being real with fellow believers does not mean dumping all information without discernment. In 1 Corinthians 3:1-2, Paul wrote, “I could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh…I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it.” Like Paul, we should sensitively assess what information others can reasonably process and benefit from.
Romans 14 discusses not putting stumbling blocks before weaker brothers in areas of Christian freedom. We may have liberty in Christ to participate in certain activities, but we must also consider how it impacts others.
Being real means sharing experiences, struggles and truths that encourage mutual growth while avoiding sharing details that could damage faith. As Ephesians 4:29 advises, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Private Matters Should Stay Between Those Directly Involved
While secrecy around hidden sins is dangerous, Christians must use discernment regarding private matters that solely involve those directly participating. Sharing personal details unnecessarily can violate privacy and breed gossip.
Paul addresses this regarding legal disputes between believers. In 1 Corinthians 6:1-6, he rebukes the Corinthian church for taking fellow believers to court before unbelievers over private grievances. He makes it clear these matters should be settled within the church body.
Likewise, private sins, conflicts or counseling issues involving specific individuals should generally be kept confidential between those directly involved and spiritual leaders if necessary. This allows repentance and restoration to occur discreetly. Protecting privacy maintains dignity.
As Proverbs 17:9 warns, “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” Needless spreading of negative information often exacerbates conflict rather than resolving it.
There are certainly times when broader sharing is appropriate, especially regarding abuse or dangers to others. But in general, we must prayerfully discern if spreading private details helps or harms. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:13).
Information Told in Confidence Should Be Kept Confidential
When someone shares a sensitive matter with us in confidence, we take on the responsibility of keeping that information private. To openly share what was entrusted to us in secret is unethical and breaks trust. Unless we have explicit permission, it is best to safeguard confidential information.
The book of Proverbs strongly warns against revealing secrets entrusted to us. “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler” (Proverbs 20:19). And Proverbs 11:13 makes it clear that “a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Breaking a friend’s trust leads to damaged relationships.
In Exodus 23:1 God instructs His people, “You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness.” Needless sharing of private details often spreads rumors and falsehoods, even if unintentional. We must guard against indirectly fueling gossip.
Maintaining appropriate confidentiality shows maturity, self-control and trustworthiness. It allows others to feel safe opening up. As Proverbs 10:19 advises, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” Handling secrets responsibly demonstrates good character.
Transparency Brings Freedom But Oversharing Shows Lack of Self-Control
Living authentically before God and fellow believers is freeing. Admitting struggles honestly in community allows us to experience grace, spiritual power and healing. James 5:16 reminds us, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
However, exercising discretion rather than recklessly oversharing everything demonstrates self-control and wisdom. Proverbs 29:11 states, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” We should share selectively, not impulsively dump unfiltered thoughts.
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:23). Appropriate restraint in our words protects relationships and reputations. “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3).
With close friends, a spouse, or a counselor, we have greater freedom to process sensitive matters. But we still must filter information prayerfully. Oversharing out of compulsion often indicates emotional immaturity. As Proverbs 10:19 warns, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”
Being real should produce spiritual growth, not gossip. Self-control helps us share judiciously for mutual benefit rather than dumping non-constructive information. Our words should build others up in Christ.
Discretion Shows Maturity, Protects Reputations and Avoids Gossip
Wisdom and discretion are hallmarks of maturity. The book of Proverbs repeatedly warns against foolish babbling and stresses the importance of restraint in our speech. “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3).
Being discreet with private matters or negative information about others protects their reputation. Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches.” Needless disclosure of another’s faults can cause lasting damage to their relationships and character.
Gossiping and speaking negatively behind someone’s back is clearly condemned in Scripture. “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered” (Proverbs 11:13). We should handle even truthful private information in ways that avoid fueling gossip.
Of course, discussing concerns about someone’s behavior with them directly or a spiritual leader when necessary is appropriate. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone” (Matthew 18:15). The key is handling matters constructively rather than spreading information carelessly.
Using discretion rather than recklessly divulging private details or complaints shows maturity. It protects the dignity and reputations of others and prevents spreading gossip which Christians are strongly warned against.
Judgment and Condemnation Close Off Openness Between Christians
One barrier to healthy transparency among believers is an environment of criticism, judgment and condemnation. This prevents admitting weaknesses and obtaining grace, counsel and prayer.
James 5:16 encourages, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” But if confession is met with scorn rather than support, people hide their faults rather than finding freedom.
Galatians 6:1 offers important guidance, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.” Harsh condemnation does not lead to repentance. Gentle restoration in the context of relationships does.
Sadly, many church environments fail to model true Christian fellowship where people’s struggles are met with compassion rather than judgment. We must foster contexts where people feel safe to open up, not merely condemned.
As Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone” (John 8:7). We have all fallen short of God’s holiness and need His grace. Relational transparency requires avoiding harsh judgment and humbly admitting our own flaws and dependence on Christ.
Conclusion
To recap, living authentically as believers while exercising wisdom in what we share is a scriptural balancing act requiring maturity and sensitivity to context. Secrets can damage relationships, but privacy has its place. Oversharing may feel freeing but shows lack of restraint. Discretion demonstrates prudence yet harsh judgment breeds secretiveness.
As we grow in applying biblical principles, we can learn to handle sensitive matters constructively for mutual growth rather than detriment. The goal is living honestly before God and others without violating privacy or fueling gossip. When in doubt, we should pray and seek counsel on how to proceed.
Transparency with wise boundaries honors God and breeds trust and intimacy in Christian community. May God grant us discernment as we open our hearts and lives to one another.
