Marriage is meant to be a sacred union between a man and a woman built on love, trust, and commitment to each other and to God. However, deception can creep into even the strongest of marriages and destroy the foundation of the relationship. The Bible has some stern warnings about deception in marriage and how to guard against it. In this comprehensive blog post, we will explore biblical principles, examples, warnings, and solutions regarding deception between spouses.
Key Takeaways:
- Deception damages trust which is essential for a strong marriage.
- We must be truthful and transparent with our spouses just as we are with God.
- Do not let bitterness take root and grow into deception.
- Avoid friendships and situations that could lead to emotional or physical deception.
- Be on your guard against deception from the world seeping into your marriage.
- Regularly pray together and read scripture to strengthen your bond and spiritual intimacy.
- Seek wise counsel if you suspect deception in your marriage.
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What Does the Bible Say?
The Bible speaks frequently about the importance of truthfulness and integrity in all relationships, including marriage. Here are some key verses:
“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:10-12)
This well-known passage describes a wife of noble character who has earned the complete trust of her husband. Her integrity has fostered security in her marriage.
“Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” (Ephesians 4:25)
Spouses are to be members of one body – completely open and honest with each other just as we are to be with God.
“So, putting away lying, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” (Ephesians 4:25)
Lying should have no place between spouses. We must speak the truth in love to each other.
“Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices” (Colossians 3:9)
As new creations in Christ, we are to put aside sinful habits like lying and be truthful with our spouses.
These and many other verses make it clear that intentional dishonesty has no place in Christian marriage. While white lies to spare feelings sometimes seem harmless, they can erode trust over time. Spouses must strive to be truthful and transparent at all times about everything from feelings to finances.
Dangers of Deception
What are some potential dangers of allowing deception into your marriage? Here are a few to be aware of:
Damaged trust: Even small lies can plant seeds of doubt that grow into distrust over time. Marriages rely on mutual trust between spouses.
Resentment: If a spouse discovers they have been deceived it can breed anger, bitterness and resentment that is difficult to recover from.
Insecurity: A wife may feel insecure if she suspects her husband is deceitful about things like spending time with other women. A husband may feel insecure if his wife is dishonest about financial matters. Deception can make spouses feel betrayed.
Separation from God: The Bible warns that lying and deception originate from Satan – the “father of lies” (John 8:44). Willful deception creates distance in our relationship with God.
Bad example: Children are astute at noticing hypocrisy. A marriage built on lies sets a poor example for kids who often emulate what they observe in the home.
Deception must be avoided as it destroys intimacy meant for marriage. Even small untruths can compound over the years into an environment of distrust, resentment, and insecurity.
Biblical Examples of Deception
Unfortunately, even some heroes of the faith fell into the trap of deceiving their spouses at times:
Abraham lied to Sarah about her true identity when they traveled to Egypt, nearly leading her into adultery with Pharaoh (Genesis 12:10-20). This deception caused strife and could have ended in tragedy.
Isaac lied about his wife Rebekah being his sister just as his father Abraham had done, exposing her to danger (Genesis 26:6-11).
Jacob deceived his father Isaac into giving him the blessing meant for his brother Esau, setting up a lifetime of resentment between them. (Genesis 27). His uncle Laban later returned the favor by deceiving Jacob into marrying Leah before Rachel (Genesis 29:15-30).
Sapphira colluded with her husband Ananias to deceive the apostles and God about money, leading to their immediate death (Acts 5:1-11).
Even great heroes stumbled in moments of deception. How much more susceptible are we? These examples serve as cautionary tales. They got into trouble when they stopped trusting God and took matters into their own hands. We must rely fully on the Lord and resist deceiving even when faced with tough circumstances.
Guarding Against Growing Deception
Marriages seldom go from completely honest to rampant deception overnight. Often it begins subtly and expands gradually as lies accumulate. Like the proverbial frog in the pot being slowly boiled alive, we may not even notice the rising temperature. What are some ways we can guard against growing deception in our marriages?
Nip bitterness in the bud: The longer we hold onto bitterness and anger without dealing with it properly, the more likely those feelings are to turn into contempt, isolation, and dishonesty. Deal with hurt and disappointment quickly through prayer, forgiveness, and open discussion with your spouse to prevent buried resentment.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Limit opposite-sex friendships: Having close friendships with singles of the opposite sex can invite inappropriate emotional intimacy or physical temptation. These relationships tend to take time and energy away from your spouse. Be wise. Don’t play with fire.
Guard your heart: The path to physical adultery often starts with small compromises like emotional affairs, pornography use, and flirting. Nip any risky behavior in the bud through repentance, increased accountability, and safeguards. Don’t allow a foothold for deception by letting your heart drift.
“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
Avoid toxic media influences: The internet and media are flooded with images and voices normalizing immorality and mocking faithfulness. Set up filters on devices and limit consumption of toxic entertainment that could warp your perception of faithfulness.
“I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not fasten its grip on me.” (Psalm 101:3)
Pray together: Regularly praying together builds intimacy with God and each other. This adds protection to your marriage and makes it harder for deception to take root.
_”But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.” (Micah 7:7)*
Seeking Deliverance from Deception
If you suspect deception may have crept into your marriage, don’t panic or become paralyzed by fear. With God’s help, redemption is possible. Here are some suggested steps:
Pray: Bring your concerns directly to God and seek his guidance. Ask him to reveal any deception going on and to renew a spirit of truth in your marriage. Pray over relevant scriptures for deliverance.
Increase accountability: Temporary separation may be required in cases of serious physical adultery. Seek help from a pastor or Christian counselor. Share your struggles with a trusted mature couple for support and accountability.
Confess fully: Come clean about any deception you’ve participated in. Hold nothing back. True repentance and forgiveness opens doors for healing.
Rebuild trust: This takes time after significant deception. Be patient and consistently honest going forward. Let your spouse ask clarifying questions without becoming defensive. Wait for the trust deficit to fill.
Focus on intimacy: Spend focused time together free of distractions. Find activities you enjoy as a couple to reconnect emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Let God renew your love.
Get support: Consider Christian counseling to help unpack root issues, rebuild intimacy skills, improve communication, and break free from deception. You don’t have to go it alone.
Walk in grace: Treat each other with the same gentle patience God has shown you as you move forward in freedom from deception. Recovery takes time.
In Conclusion
Deception and dishonesty have no place in Christian marriages. They are counter to God’s word and lead only to broken trust and damaged intimacy. By becoming aware of Satan’s schemes in this area, guarding our hearts, praying together, and seeking redemption if deception enters in, we can defend our marriages against this destructive influence. Walking in truth and grace with our spouses brings unity, security, and strength to the relationship that honors God.
The more we yield to God’s purpose for marriage, the less we find ourselves tangled in webs of deceit. May our marriages reflect wholehearted devotion to our spouses and to following Jesus faithfully no matter what storms we face on the journey together.
