Making Your Long Distance Relationship Work as a Christian
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Making Your Long Distance Relationship Work as a Christian

You’ve found yourself in a long distance relationship but want to honor God and grow spiritually as a couple. Distance makes dating and building intimacy uniquely challenging. However, with prayer, effort, and Biblical wisdom, you can have a thriving Christ-centered connection. Here are some key takeaways for nurturing your relationship despite the miles between you:

  • Make regular communication a priority to stay connected
  • Discuss and set boundaries to avoid temptation
  • Pray together frequently via phone or video chat
  • Read the Bible “together” using a shared digital app
  • Share your spiritual lives and have faith-focused discussions
  • Make visits as often as possible while finding creative ways to “date” from afar
  • Seek guidance from mentors, pastors, or older couples who have been there
  • Trust God’s purpose and timing while taking it one day at a time

Staying Connected Through Regular Communication

When you can’t see each other in person regularly, purposeful communication becomes even more important. Set aside quality time each day to catch up, share your hearts, pray and do “remote” dates together.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11).

Since you have less time together, make the most of the moments you do have. Discuss deeper questions and topics that allow you to get to know the other person on a heart level. Listen well and be fully present and engaged during your conversations.

Scheduling virtual date nights to watch a show together, play games, cook the same meal or discuss a book are great ways to continue dating from afar. Sending encouraging texts, cards or care packages in the mail also reminds the other person they are loved and thought of.

While nothing can fully replace in-person time, with a little creativity you can nurture intimacy, have fun and pursue new experiences even from miles away.

Setting Healthy Boundaries Around Temptation

Being apart for long periods while dating brings unique temptations and pitfalls. That is why discussing and mutually agreeing upon wise boundaries is essential.

The Bible reminds us to “…make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” (Romans 13:14). Avoiding compromise means considering potential areas of temptation and setting standards you both consent to.

For example, establish media guidelines about what you will and will not watch or listen to alone. Discuss appropriate physical intimacy limits for during visits and virtual interactions. Make a covenant to not flirt with, be alone with or confide in members of the opposite sex. Promise to immediately discuss any attraction or chemistry you feel developing elsewhere.

By deciding on these types of boundaries ahead of time, you remove the confusion in the moment of temptation. Boundaries help us love each other holistically and honor God.

Praying Together Frequently

Praying together daily is vital for Christian couples, especially long distance ones. Schedule a phone or video call to lift up your lives, relationship, families and futures in prayer.

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” (James 5:16).

Praying together deepens your connection with each other and God. This spiritual intimacy provides a strong foundation for the relationship that distance cannot diminish. Share prayer requests and praises so you feel involved in each other’s daily lives. Set reminders to pray spontaneously throughout the day when the other comes to mind.

Whether you pray for a few minutes or a full hour, make it a consistent couple’s habit. Prayer joins your hearts despite the space between you.

Reading the Bible “Together” Digitally

In addition to prayer, find creative ways to incorporate Scripture reading into your connection as a couple. Study the same devotional separately then discuss insights over video chat. Share favorite verses or passages through text and reflect on their meaning. Listen to the audio Bible during mundane tasks or bedtime while imagining you are next to each other.

Use digital Bibles with syncing capabilities so you can highlight, bookmark and take notes “together” from afar. Download reflection questions related to each chapter and talk through them during your regular catch-ups.

As Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Letting the light of God’s Word penetrate your hearts and relationship sustains you spiritually when miles keep you physically apart.

Sharing Your Spiritual Lives

Long distance requires more deliberate effort to share your spiritual lives with each other. Discuss what you’re learning personally in your own walks with God. Share inspirations from Christian books you are reading or sermons you watched online. Debrief after attending church events or religious activities you each participated in.

Ask open-ended questions to understand the other’s current beliefs on deeper theological issues or social topics relevant to your faith. Send updates when you have an answer to prayer or spiritual victory to celebrate.

By keeping your spiritual lives open to each other, you continue growing together though distance separates you physically. Explore creative ways technology can help you feel spiritually connected.

Having Faith-Focused Discussions

Along with praying and Scripture reading together, make some of your communication times faith-focused discussions. Dig into megathemes relevant to following Christ like redemption, sacrifice, grace, justice and worship. Discuss what it looks like to live out biblical principles in dating, career, finances, family life, morality and relationships.

Have lighthearted debates about denominational differences or interpretations of various Bible passages. Ask how you each are experiencing God currently in your lives. Share how your relationship displays the love between Christ and the church.

Explore ethical dilemmas you face and how Scripture informs wise decisions. Analyze Christian books, films or music through a Gospel lens.

Having rich, meaningful conversations about your faith strengthens your spiritual foundation as a couple. It cements your shared values, beliefs and mission as you walk with Christ.

Making Couple Visits a Priority

Despite regular virtual connection, nothing fully replaces face-to-face time for long distance couples. So make in-person visits a priority whenever possible based on your circumstances. Budget, plan ahead and schedule trips months in advance to have sacred time together periodically.

Of course follow Paul’s advice to “…abstain from sexual immorality.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). Seek out accommodations where lodging together would not compromise your agreed upon standards. Focus visits on building emotional and spiritual intimacy through conversation, activities, prayer and fun. Go on creative dates like zoo trips, hiking, double dates with local friends, game nights and sightseeing.

Work to make each visit special since they are limited. Getting away together even occasionally recalibrates the relationship and renews your purpose. It reminds you what you are working towards with God at the center.

Finding Creative Ways to “Date” from Afar

While you will likely do some traditional dating activities during visits, do not forget to continue dating in creative ways between trips too.

  • Cook or order the same dinner and have a meal “together” over video
  • Watch a streaming movie or show simultaneously while video chatting
  • Read a book aloud over the phone before bedtime
  • Go for a prayer walk or hike in your own locations while connected on call
  • Schedule exercise time or virtual workouts to motivate each other
  • Play online games or do a digital escape room cooperatively
  • Surprise each other with delivery of flowers, gifts or treats
  • Create handwritten love letters and mail to each other
  • Have double dates or game nights online with other long distance couples

Do not let the miles limit your dating life. With a little thoughtfulness, you can find countless ways to create meaningful shared experiences remotely.

Seeking Guidance from Mentors

Connecting regularly with those who have gone before you provides wisdom and perspective for navigating long distance dating. Older Christian couples in your life or church who also faced distance and weathered the storms of marriage are invaluable.

Ask about their advice for communication, boundaries, connection and meeting each other’s needs from afar. Have them speak truth and keep you accountable. Share vulnerably about your struggles and pray together.

If you do not have personal mentors, many solid Christian relationship books, seminars and counseling resources exist. Investing in your relationship is worth prioritizing despite busy schedules and limited time. Surround yourselves with godly guidance.

Trusting God’s Purpose and Timing

No matter how difficult the distance seems on a given day, remember God allowed your lives to intersect for His greater purpose. As Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV) says,

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Surrender your relationship timeline to the Lord. Release expectations for how things “should” unfold. God’s ways are higher than ours. Allow Him to use this season of waiting, patience and endurance to shape your character and reliance on Him.

You do not know what lessons He wants to teach before bringing you into physical proximity or what future purpose He has for you as a couple. But you can trust His faithful love carries you through the distance day by day. Keep taking next steps of faithfulness.

Taking It One Day at a Time

While God sees the full beautiful tapestry He is weaving through your story over time, you simply need to focus on each thread of obedience in turn. Follow where He leads moment to moment and choose to love wholeheartedly despite the challenges.

The journey of long distance dating requires immense vulnerability, sacrifice, perseverance, hope and trust as you each walk with Christ. But many amazing relationships serving the Kingdom have also blossomed out of such a refining fire.

Pursue growth and investment daily. Release expectations. Embrace fully the phase God has you in today. Keep seeking Him first and future grace will unfold. For now, take it one day at a time.

In summary, nurturing a thriving long distance relationship as Christians calls us to prayer, boundary setting, abundant communication, creativity, mentorship, trusting God’s purpose and timing, and living each day to the fullest no matter what the future holds. By clinging to the Lord together, you will find a love worth fighting for rising up through the miles. May your hearts grow ever closer to each other and the One who loves you most.

Pastor Duke Taber
Pastor Duke Taber

Pastor Duke Taber

All articles have been written or reviewed by Pastor Duke Taber.
Pastor Duke Taber is an alumnus of Life Pacific University and Multnomah Biblical Seminary.
He has been in pastoral ministry since 1988.
Today he is the owner and managing editor of 3 successful Christian websites that support missionaries around the world.
He is currently starting a brand new church in Mesquite NV called Mesquite Worship Center, a Non-Denominational Spirit Filled Christian church in Mesquite Nevada.