How Long Should I Wait For God’s Choice For A Mate?

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One of the Viral Believer’s readers sent in a question that goes like this.

” I have 2 friends who married late in life, 1 was 39 and the other was 55, waiting for their perfect Christian man. Both lost out on motherhood. I don’t want to do that too my children. I praying that I am not too off.”

When dealing with dating and relationships, we must understand that there is God’s side and the individual’s side.

The short answer to this question is that we should wait as long as it takes.

How Long Should I Wait For God's Choice For A Mate?

However, the length of time that it takes many times rests upon us more than it rests upon God.

The key to this question is the term “their perfect Christian man.”

Many people believe that the concept of “soul mates” or their “one and only” is a Christian concept.

It is not.

It started with the Greek philosophers and became popular with Plato.

The Bible talks about not being unequally yoked. It talks about the type of qualities that make a good husband or wife.

It does not talk about there being a perfect match or your soul mate.

Once you have dealt with this misnomer, you can get on to realistically waiting for God’s will for you concerning a mate.

The Role Of Men And Women In Finding A Mate

The first thing that people need to understand is that men and women have different roles to play in the process of finding a mate.

The world teaches that men should go out and hunt down a mate. That they should wine and dine and romance a lady until they conquer her and get her to say yes to marriage.

This is not a biblical concept.

When God made the first match between a man and a woman, He put Adam to sleep while He prepared Eve. God then presented Eve to Adam.

Although the Genesis account does not go into detail, it can be assumed that at some point God spoke to Eve about His plans and showed her the man before she was presented.

I am sure you will think of the scripture that states “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” What about the act of going out and finding a wife?

The Hebrew word for find does not mean go out on a search. It means that as you are going along in your journey, you stumble upon something and “find” it.

Now think back to the story of Ruth and Boaz.

Women across the world love the story of Ruth and Boaz and how romantic it is. However, they seem to miss the fact that Ruth laid at Boaz’s feet signifying her interest.

God wants to speak to the woman about what man He has for her.

God wants the men to trust Him to provide the right woman based on His criteria for what they need, not for what their hormones think they need.

It is the exact opposite of what the world teaches.

How Long Should I Wait?

You will have to wait as long as it takes to prepare yourself to be a godly wife or husband.

People who do not wait find themselves with uncommitted or selfish partners.

God’s will is that husbands would love the wife as Christ loves the church. That means self-sacrifice, not selfishness.

God’s will is that wives would submit to their husbands as they would to Christ. Again that means self-sacrifice, not selfishness.

Until you are ready to give yourself to someone that deeply and that unreservedly, you are not ready no matter if your biological clock is ticking or not.

The goal of marriage is two people becoming one, not procreation.

Here is the key that I have found works for people.

They busy themselves with what God has for them to do.

They are not a half person waiting for their other half. They are a whole single Christian serving their Lord and Savior.

As they are in the process of doing life with Jesus, He brings along someone who is heading in the same direction as they are.

She lets the man know she is interested if it is a woman.

woman standing on ice

If they are a man they recognize that the woman expressing interest is a gift that God has brought to their doorstep.

I would bet that your friends waited so long for their mate because they either were operating with a false assumption about what the “perfect Christian man” was, or they were operating under the world’s way of finding a mate.


Pastor Duke

Further Resources