How Can I Forgive Someone Who Continues to Hurt Me?

Forgiveness is a virtue that we all have been taught, but putting it into practice can be quite challenging, especially when dealing with someone who persistently hurts us. Are you struggling to forgive someone who keeps causing you pain? Do you wonder if it’s even possible, or healthy, to do so?

This article aims to provide you with an authoritative understanding of the nature of forgiveness, the factors to consider when dealing with a repeat offender, and the practical steps you can take to navigate this complex emotional terrain.

By examining the different dimensions of forgiveness and offering expert advice, we will empower you with the knowledge and tools necessary to make informed decisions about managing toxic relationships and embracing forgiveness in your everyday life. So, let us embark on a journey towards self-discovery, healing, and a deeper comprehension of the real meaning and impact of forgiveness.

How Can I Forgive Someone Who Continues to Hurt Me?

I. Understanding the Patterns of Hurtful Behavior

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Hurtful behaviors can manifest in various ways, and it is crucial to recognize the patterns in order to find healing and restoration both on a personal level and within communities. By exploring the Word of God, we can better understand these patterns as we seek wisdom to overcome them. There are three common patterns of hurtful behavior that we can examine: verbal or emotional harm, physical harm, and relational harm.

1. Verbal or emotional harm: Damaging words or actions can wound a person deeply, leaving lasting emotional scars. Through the use of verbal attacks or emotional manipulation, an individual can experience hurt, depression, anxiety, and even trauma. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV), “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” This serves as a powerful reminder of how influential our words can be and demonstrates the importance of speaking with love and compassion. Some examples of verbal or emotional harm include:

  • Insults, name-calling or belittling
  • Criticizing or judging unfairly
  • Sarcasm or irony intended to hurt
  • Manipulation or gaslighting

2. Physical harm: Any form of physical violence inflicted upon another person is a destructive behavior that can have severe consequences. It is crucial that anyone subjected to physical harm seeks help and protection. Scripture teaches us in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV) that our bodies are sacred: “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” Examples of physically harmful behaviors include:

  • Hitting, slapping, or beating
  • Pushing or shoving
  • Strangling or pressure on the throat
  • Using objects or weapons to inflict harm

3. Relational harm: Relationships can also be the source of hurtful behaviors, whether intentional or unintentional. This category involves actions that negatively impact one’s relationship with friends, family members, or romantic partners. God cherishes healthy relationships, as evidenced by Ephesians 4:2-3 (NKJV), “with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Some examples of relational harm include:

  • Controlling or possessive behavior
  • Jealousy or envy
  • Refusing to forgive or holding grudges
  • Isolation from friends and family

Recognizing these patterns of hurtful behavior is the first step towards healing and restoring relationships with ourselves, others, and God. As Christians, we must be aware of and sensitive to the impact of our actions, seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit in fostering love and compassion in all our interactions.

II. Cultivating Empathy and Compassion for the Person Causing Pain

Recognizing the Struggle Within
It is vital that we remember every individual is in the midst of a spiritual battle (Ephesians 6:12). People who cause pain to others, whether intentional or not, are often struggling with their own internal battles and insecurities. By keeping this in mind, we can shift our perspective to a more empathetic and compassionate approach. As followers of Christ, we should aim to see people through His eyes and seek guidance on how to respond to those who have hurt us. We are called to love one another (John 13:34-35), even those who may be difficult to love.

Seek to Understand
To cultivate empathy and compassion, we must make an effort to understand the person causing us pain. This means asking questions, listening, and engaging with them on a deeper level. Remember that everyone has a story and experiences that have shaped their behavior, and we can learn something from every encounter. Here are a few steps to seek understanding:

  • Have open and honest conversations.
  • Listen without judgment.
  • Be willing to forgive and seek reconciliation.
  • Pray for the individual, asking the Holy Spirit to guide you in how to relate to them.

Embrace Humility and Grace
In order to have compassion for those who cause us pain, we must also practice humility and grace, recognizing that none of us are perfect. As it says in Romans 3:23, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” In the same way that God extends unconditional love, forgiveness, and grace to us, we must also extend these same attributes to those who hurt us. We can:

  • Reflect on our own mistakes and weaknesses, acknowledging that we, too, are in need of grace.
  • Pray for a humble heart and the ability to love even those who are hard to love.
  • Forgive as we have been forgiven in Christ (Ephesians 4:32).

By cultivating empathy and compassion for those who cause us pain, we are not only obeying God’s commandments but also fostering an environment of healing, understanding, and restoration in our relationships. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can truly love and extend grace to others, regardless of their behavior or the hurt they have caused us.

III. Setting Boundaries for Personal Emotional Protection

Setting boundaries for personal emotional protection is essential for maintaining a healthy spiritual and emotional life. For many of us, this can be an intimidating task, especially when dealing with toxic relationships, conflict, or difficult individuals. However, it is our responsibility, as believers, to protect our hearts, “for out of it springs the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23 NKJV). Here are some practical ways to establish and maintain emotional boundaries within relationships and life situations.

Firstly, discern the difference between healthy relationships and toxic ones. The Bible provides clear instruction on healthy relationships that teach us to avoid those who spread strife, engage in gossip, or are argumentative, as these may be detrimental to our emotional health. “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20 NKJV). Surround yourself with godly influences and biblically-based friendships that demonstrate genuine love, encouragement, and support.

  • Communicate your boundaries firmly and respectfully. Sometimes, we need to address issues directly with the individuals who negatively impact our emotional health. It is vital that we do this in a respectful and loving way, following the example set by Jesus. “If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3 NKJV). This approach may encourage restoration and spiritual growth within the relationship.
  • Find balance through spiritual disciplines. Practicing regular prayer, Bible reading, and fellowship with other believers can aid in maintaining a stable emotional state. “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33 NKJV).

Lastly, remember that setting boundaries is not an act of unkindness but rather an act of self-care, wisdom, and compassion toward others. When confronted with toxic relationships or situations, reinforce the importance of keeping a healthy distance for the sake of both parties’ emotional and spiritual well-being.

Ultimately, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide our decisions will ensure that we set the most appropriate and God-honoring boundaries in our lives. “Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live” (Romans 8:12-13 NKJV).

IV. Practicing Forgiveness as an Ongoing Journey

Recognize the importance of forgiveness in our spiritual lives. In Ephesians 4:31-32 (NKJV), we are instructed, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” The act of forgiveness is vital to our relationship with God and others. It frees us from the bondage of anger, resentment, and unforgiveness that can cloud our spiritual vision and hinder our growth in Christ.

Embrace forgiveness as a continuous process rather than a one-time event. In Matthew 18:21-22 (NKJV), Jesus was asked by Peter, “how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

Jesus’ response, “seventy times seven,” emphasized the reality that forgiveness is a constant journey in our spiritual walk. As humans, we might face situations where we may struggle to forgive, or need God’s strength to let go of past offenses. In those moments, it is crucial to remember God’s unlimited forgiveness and seek His help in extending the same grace to others.

To aid in practicing forgiveness as an ongoing journey, consider incorporating the following strategies into your daily walk with Christ:

  • Pray for the individuals who have wronged you: Praying for others can soften our hearts towards them and provide healing for our own emotional wounds.
  • Confess any struggle to forgive to God: Speaking openly with God about our difficulties in forgiving others can bring comfort and reassurance of His love and support.
  • Reflect on your own need for forgiveness: Remembering the countless times we have been forgiven can lead to a heart of humility and gratitude, making it easier to extend forgiveness to others.
  • Seek Christian community and wise counsel: Surrounding ourselves with godly friends can provide encouragement, guidance, and accountability in our pursuit of forgiveness.

In conclusion, forgiveness is a constant journey in our relationship with God and others. By recognizing the importance of forgiveness, embracing it as an ongoing process, and implementing practical strategies to foster forgiveness, we can experience deeper spiritual growth, healthier relationships, and an increasingly Christ-like character.

“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Colossians 3:12-13 NKJV).

V. Seeking Support and Outside Perspectives for Emotional Healing

One key aspect of emotional healing is seeking support and outside perspectives to walk alongside you on your journey to wholeness. When we share our story, we allow others to bring truth, encouragement, and perspective that can lead to breakthroughs in our healing process. In the Gospel, Jesus himself teaches the importance of seeking support in our lives: “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20 NKJV).

In seeking emotional healing, consider the following sources of outside perspectives and support:

  • Church community: Your local church should be a place where you can find a fellowship of believers who are devoted to praying and supporting one another. Share your story with trusted members within the church who can provide wise counsel and encouragement. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord” (Colossians 3:16 NKJV).
  • Counseling: Professional Christian counselors are trained in offering guidance and support in emotional healing. They can help you uncover unhealthy patterns, thoughts, or behaviors and equip you with tools to navigate through the healing process. “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14 NKJV).
  • Support groups: In addition to one-on-one counseling or pastoral care, seeking support from others who have gone through similar experiences can be invaluable. Many churches and organizations offer faith-based support groups focused on emotional healing. These groups can provide a safe space for sharing experiences, challenges, and victories with others who understand and empathize with what you are going through. “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NKJV).

Remember, we are not meant to walk through our emotional healing journey alone. God works through people to bring perspective, encouragement, and support in the midst of our healing process. Reach out to trusted individuals within your church community, seek professional counseling, and consider joining a support group to integrate outside perspectives in your journey towards emotional healing.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NKJV).


It is natural to struggle with forgiving someone who continues to hurt you. However, the strength to forgive them for their wrongdoings and to put a stop to the cycle of hurt will benefit both you and them in the long run. Make sure to take whatever steps are necessary to ensure your peace of mind.

When someone continues to hurt you, it can be hard to forgive them. Whether it is a close family member, a colleague, or an old friend, the hurt that they cause can weigh heavily. Learning to forgive is important for your own wellbeing and to be able to move forward with the relationship; however, as this is easier said than done, here are some tips on how to forgive someone who continues to hurt you.

The first step is to be aware of your own feelings and take some time to process them. Do not try to force yourself to forgive the person and do not be scared to feel angry. Speak to someone you trust if you need to talk through your feelings and process why it hurts so much.

Once you feel that you have taken enough time to process your emotions, try to find compassion for the person who has hurt you. Whilst this may not be easy, try and remind yourself that everybody makes mistakes and that we all need to forgive people sometimes.

Now that you are forgiving the person, it is important to be honest with yourself and consider the consequences of your actions. Can you maintain a relationship with the individual? Do you need to set some boundaries to protect yourself? Consider these questions objectively to ensure that the consequences will be beneficial for you.

Finally, remember to maintain self-care. This is a difficult time, so make sure to take some time out for yourself. Spend time with family and friends and focus on the positive in your life. Step away from the individual completely if necessary and be mindful that this doesn’t have to be a forever decision.

Although it may seem impossible to forgive someone who continues to hurt you, allowing yourself to give forgiveness can help to bring peace and can enable the relationship to be restored. By being aware of your emotions, offering compassion to the other person, considering the consequences, and maintaining self-care, you can start to move forward and forgive the person who has hurt you.

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