Of course in our discussion the subject of how to find a good man came up. I have always believed God is in the matchmaking business. If He can do it for me, He can do it for them and you.
These ladies would very much like to find the right guy. They tell me the pickings are slim to none at the church, so they have ventured into the world of online dating.
They are almost to the point of throwing up their hands in despair, wondering if there are any decent Christian guys left anywhere. They’ve begun to wonder if they should lower their standards to find a mate.
I shared with them my story of how God brought my wife to me in a little town of fewer than 500 people.
I shared with them the mistakes I made over the 13 years I was single. I encouraged them not to settle for less than God’s best.
Too many Christian women today have ended up with an Ishmael because impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage.
Please take my fatherly advice:
You are much better off single than with the wrong guy!
Here are 10 of those “wrong guys” to put on your do not date list.
10 Types Of Guys That Need To Be On Your Do Not Date List
1. The Unbeliever
Please take this scripture and write it on a post-it note and place it on your mirror, refrigerator and your computer at work.
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?
Don’t be fooled by good looks, a witty personality, financial prosperity, or even a willingness to go to church with you while you are dating.
Don’t compromise what you know to be right. Missionary marriage is not a good idea.
If the guy was not actively serving the Lord before you meeting him, then he is not marriage material.
I have seen many women get trapped in unfulfilling marriages because they fell prey to the guy who wanted to find a good church girl but had no intention of being a good churchman himself.
I have never met one godly woman who didn’t regret marrying an unbeliever. Please put them on your do not date list.
2. The Controller
Many Christian men go around quoting scripture about headship and being the spiritual leader.
However, their idea of leadership is having a woman be subservient to them.
Biblical leadership is servant leadership not domination.
They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse.
First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat their wives as equals. If the man you are dating talks down to you makes demeaning comments about women or seems to squelch your spiritual gifts, back away now. He is on a power trip.
Women who marry religious control freaks often end up in a nightmare of depression. Put that type of guy on your do not date list.
3. The Deceiver
When people date, they put their best foot forward to try to impress the other person. This is human nature.
What is not human nature is when people intentionally deceive a person about their past or their character.
If you discover that the guy you are dating has deceived you about his past, or that he’s always covering his tracks to hide his secrets from you, run for the hills because you have the wrong guy chasing you.
Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust.
If he can’t be truthful about his mistakes in the past or about his character flaws, break up now before he bamboozles you with an even bigger deception. This guy deserves to be on your do not date list.
4. The Incapable Man-Child
Is your guy still living in the basement of his mamma’s house? Run and don’t look back!
Call me old-school, but I’m seriously suspicious of some dude who still lives with mommy and daddy at age 35.
If his mother is still doing his cooking, cleaning, and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an emotional time warp.
You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up and is not responsible enough to take care of himself.
How in the heck is he going to take care of you and be a partner to you if he can’t even take care of himself?
Back away and, as a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature. But whatever you do, put him on your do not date list.
5. The Don Juan
There are men in the church and especially online that prey on women who are gullible and needy.
They will lead them right down the path of sexual promiscuity with no intention of marrying them.
They have more notches on their bedpost than they do on their Bible.
If you marry someone who cannot control his libido before marriage, what makes you think he will manage it after you are married? This type of guy is a no-brainer for your do not date list.
Finding a man who has control over his sexual appetites is a rare gem indeed. You will be well served to find such a man.
6. The Spiritual, Emotional, Or Physical Abuser
Abuse is caused by anger and manipulation.
If the guy you are dating tends to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a problem, and if you marry him, you will have to navigate his minefield every day to avoid triggering another outburst.
You will have to walk on eggshells in your own home.
Angry men hurt women—verbally and sometimes physically. Put that type of guy on your do not date list.
Find a man who is gentle.
Find a guy who is secure enough in his skin that he doesn’t have to have things his way.
Find a guy that doesn’t try to manipulate his world always to get his way.
Find a guy that can accept when things are not what he wants all the time.
7. The Deadbeat Dad
Many great Christian men have experienced the tragedy of divorce and have done the things necessary to heal up from that event in their life and are ready to have a great marriage.
Since their divorce, they have experienced the Holy Spirit’s restoration, dealt with their responsibilities in the divorce, and now they want to remarry.
Second marriages can be very happy.
But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a fatal flaw.
Any man who will not support children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.
What makes you think that he will support you when he will not take responsibility for his children or be the dad that his kids need? Put him on your do not date list.
8. The GQ Man
Everybody should marry somebody that is attractive to them.
But be careful: If your guy spends six hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on Facebook, you have a problem.
He is self-absorbed.
When a person is self-absorbed, then they don’t have the time nor the inclination to give themselves to someone else. They are in fact in love with themselves.
He might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially like Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25).
The man who is always looking at himself in the mirror will never notice you. Put him on your do not date list.
9. The Addicted User
Guys who go to church but are addicted to mind-altering substances have learned a secretive behavioral lifestyle.
Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction.
Insist that he get professional help and walk away.
And don’t get into a codependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober.
You can’t fix him. It is not your job it is God’s job.
Take enough time to know someone before you get married. You don’t want to be surprised on your honeymoon that you married a crack head. Put him on your do not date list.
10. The Lazy Bum
2 Thessalonians 3:10
For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.
Does your guy have a job?
Does he have a life plan?
I can’t tell you how many ladies I have seen supporting guys who have no plan in their life other than to try to figure out how to beat the next boss on World of Warcraft.
The rule of eating applies to marrying you as well.
If he is not willing to work, he has no business marrying a godly woman like you.
Ladies, don’t sell your spiritual birthright for a bowl of stew. Don’t marry a man that doesn’t deserve you. Put him on your do not date list.
Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus.