Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man, a woman, and God. Choosing the right spouse is one of the most important decisions we make in life. Unfortunately, many rush into marriage without seeking God’s guidance. Marrying the wrong person can lead to devastating consequences spiritually, emotionally, financially, and physically. As Christians, we must approach marriage prayerfully and wisely.
Introduction
Marriage is a beautiful gift from God, but it requires work and sacrifice. Selecting a compatible spouse is critical for a healthy, Christ-centered marriage. Marrying the wrong person can wreak havoc in countless ways. Prayerfully consider the godly qualities essential in a spouse. Seek wise counsel from mentors, parents, and church leaders. Don’t let emotions or impatience cloud your judgment. Trust God to guide you to His choice. Remember, divorce is not part of God’s plan. Make your decision carefully and soberly.
Key Takeaways:
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- Marriage has lifelong ramifications so choose wisely and prayerfully
- Seek God’s guidance before and during the spouse selection process
- Don’t let emotions or impatience rush your decision
- Consider godly character qualities needed for a strong marriage
- Talk to mentors, parents, pastors to gain wisdom and perspective
- Trust God’s sovereignty and timing in bringing the right spouse
Spiritual Consequences
Marrying an unbeliever can have catastrophic effects on your walk with God.
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Attempting to join your life with someone who does not share your faith is incredibly risky. You may compromise your convictions to keep peace. Your spiritual growth can become stunted as you adjust to your spouse’s priorities. Raising children will be difficult when you disagree about foundational beliefs. Praying together and attending church regularly will prove challenging. Over time, resentment and loneliness may increase. You may even drift from your faith.
Marrying a lukewarm Christian also poses problems. They may not encourage or support your spiritual goals. Your relationship with God could plateau or deteriorate under their influence. Significant differences in spiritual maturity and commitment will strain your bond. If your spouse is unwilling to grow with you, you will feel held back in your faith. Choose a partner who will challenge you to pursue Christ wholeheartedly.
God’s plan for marriage involves two believers joining in fervent service to Him. Do not expect to change someone’s beliefs after marriage. Choose a spouse with a vibrant, personal relationship with Jesus. Share the same biblical values and spiritual passions. Keep Christ at the center of your life and marriage.
Emotional Consequences
Marrying someone with radically different personality traits, interests, and communication styles risks emotional upheaval. Conflicts will be hard to avoid. Feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and frustration may arise. Resentment can build if you feel unheard or misunderstood. Emotional needs may go unmet. Intimacy will be difficult if you can’t openly confide in your spouse.
When core values and philosophies clash, the relationship suffers. If you have opposing views of finances, family, or lifestyle priorities, you will struggle to get on the same page. Projecting expectations onto your spouse instead of accepting them as they are breeds discontentment. The more differences you have, the more energy it takes to bridge the gaps. This emotional taxation leads to exhaustion and isolation.
A healthy marriage requires reciprocity – giving and taking in equal measure across diverse areas from communication to intimacy to recreation. Evaluate your compatibility before committing for life. Seek a partner who complements you emotionally – someone patient and forgiving who shares your temperament and brings out the best in you. Marry a friend first – someone you genuinely enjoy and feel safe with. Your relationship should be life-giving, not draining.
Financial Consequences
Money problems plague many marriages. Financial habits and attitudes often reflect underlying issues like trust, integrity, and shared values. Marrying someone irresponsible with money can have far-reaching impacts.
If your spouse lives beyond their means, it spells trouble. You will have to set and enforce boundaries constantly. Significant debt or bankruptcy can ruin your credit and stability for years. If they are undisciplined and make large purchases without consulting you, conflict erupts. One person’smaterialism can drain the budget and breed resentment.
Secrecy around money also fractures trust. Hiding accounts, debts, or expenditures erodes intimacy. Power struggles arise when one spouse makes unilateral financial decisions. Miscalculating your combined income before marrying leaves you unprepared for expenses like housing, medical bills, or childcare. This compounds stress levels.
To avoid financial catastrophes, have candid premarital conversations about budgeting, spending, saving, and giving. Make sure your core values aroundstewardship align. Commit to transparency and compromise. Work jointly towards financial goals and speak up when needs aren’t met. Wise financial management cements partnership.
Physical Consequences
Choosing a spouse with significantly different physical health or lifestyles can greatly impact your marriage. If fitness and nutrition are priorities for you, a sedentary couch potato will leave you frustrated. Or if you don’t enjoy exercise, an ultra-marathoner may make you feel inadequate. Vastly different energy levels and circadian rhythms can hamper couple time.
Poor health habits like smoking, excessive drinking, or overeating strain the relationship and family dynamic. If one spouse refuses to manage a chronic condition like diabetes or hypertension, the other carries an unfair burden as a caregiver. Untreated mental health issues like depression or anxiety rippling beneath the surface lead to emotional distance and communication breakdowns.
Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). A marriage thrives when both spouses commit to nurturing physical, mental and emotional health. Make lifestyle compatibility a key consideration. Be realistic about your own health needs and habits too. A strong partnership uplifts both people.
Parenting Differences
Disagreements about parenting can fracture families. Clashing expectations around discipline, education, schedules, and responsibilities spell trouble. Rigid, authoritarian styles versus permissive, hands-off approaches undermine each other. Differing involvement levels breed resentment. If one parent refuses to address problem behaviors or developmental issues, children suffer. Parents must present a united front and talk through differences privately.
Parenting styles often reflect generational influences and upbringing. Failing to discuss these ahead of time leaves room for assumptions, confusion, and hurt feelings when interacting with children. Fathers should be hands-on and engaged right from birth, not passive babysitters. Seek alignment on values like responsibility, respect, integrity, andconfidence building. Make sure both parents share in caregiving duties equally.
Raising children in the faith also requires unity. If parents disagree about baptism, religious education, or church participation, children grow confused. Couples must have theological conversations before marriage and actively teach kids together. Most importantly, live out your faith authentically. Children are perceptive – your actions speak louder than words.
The Blessing of Singleness
Given the gravity of marriage, is it necessary? While marriage is an honorable institution established by God, singleness also has great value:
“An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).
Singleness allows undivided devotion to the Lord. You have more flexibility in serving Him. Your resources of time, energy, and finances are yours to steward freely. Developing your relationship with Christ without the distractions of spouse or family deepens your spiritual foundation for the future.
God created marriage and singleness for unique purposes in the Body of Christ. If He is leading you towards celibacy and service for now, embrace this season wholly. You can still lead a spiritually rich, socially engaged, purpose-driven life as a single. Rest in His sovereignty and timing.
Waiting Well
What should you do while waiting for the right spouse? Avoid desperation – don’t compromise godly standards or rush into unwise relationships. Distinguish between infatuation and true compatibility. Refuse to base your worth on relationship status. Instead, immerse yourself in the local church, mentoring, friendships, education, travel, and hobbies. Serve others. Develop your relationship with God through prayer, Scripture, worship, and witnessing. Trust His timing and provision.
Waiting prepares you for marriage and family life. Use this season to strengthen your character, faith, career, and finances. Address insecurities, toxic behaviors, and unhealed wounds through counseling and inner healing prayer. Learn to identify healthy vs. unhealthy relationship dynamics. Study books on Christian marriage – understand its covenant nature. See every day as an opportunity to grow into the spouse God desires you to be. The right person will come when you are fully prepared.
Discerning God’s Will
More than feelings, attraction, or circumstantial convenience, marriage must align with God’s will:
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act” (Psalm 37:4-5).
When you find joy in the Lord first, He shapes your deepest desires. Begin with complete surrender to Him. Daily pray for your future spouse – for their wellbeing, growth, and preparation. Submit your own needs and preferences entirely to God. Seek Him wholeheartedly in prayer about your marital decision. Meditate on Scriptures about godly marriages and partners. Listen for the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
Ask others to pray with you about your decision. Godly parents, mentors, and leaders can often discern His will when our vision is blurred by emotions or impatience. Their life experience and spiritual wisdom brings needed perspective when considering marriage. Be humble and teachable.
Trust in God’s faithfulness and sovereignty. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). He promises to lead you to blessings, purpose, and fulfillment beyond your own understanding. Marriage is ultimately about glorifying Christ.
Conclusion
The choice of spouse will profoundly shape your life and faith. Approach marriage prayerfully and carefully. Don’t let culture or emotions guide you. Make Christ the center. Seek a spiritually vibrant partner aligned with your morals, life vision, and temperament. Wait on God’s timing and direction. Prepare your character and spiritual foundation well for marriage. God promises to lead you to a blessed future, spouse or not. Trust Him wholeheartedly.
